Buddhism and Conflict Resolution

Second of 3 Talks by Subhuti

DEALING WITH CONFLICT
Lessons from the Kinti Sutta

A talk given at Bhaja in India on 6 January 2000

In my last talk, I looked at the subject of disharmony, and showed that disharmony has its roots in the mind. Disputes have their origin in our negative mental states, such as ill will, resentment, envy, jealousy, and so on. We saw that those mental states destroy our faith in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, and therefore stop us from making spiritual effort and progress. In such mental states, we have no sense of sangha. Therefore we fall into dispute and disharmony with our brothers and sisters in the sangha. This means we have to pull up the roots of dispute in our own minds; we have to work on ourselves spiritually. You, as Chapter Convenors, need to promote harmony in the Order. That means that your first job is to rid yourself of such negative states and then encourage everyone else to do the same.

We also learnt about Buddhaghosa's ten ways of working on resentment and ill will in the mind. They are very comprehensive, and if one really applies these methods, ill will could not continue in one’s mind. So this is your first task as Chapter Convenors. You really need to make sure that people are working on their own minds. You can do this in the Chapter of course, through confession, discussion of your own experience, and so on. But it is especially through meditation that you can get to grips with these roots of dispute in your own mind. Meditation retreats should be an important part of the life of every Order member.

I now want to talk more about how you help others to resolve their difficulties. As a Chapter Convenor, there are two difficult situations that you may have to deal with. The first is a dispute between two factions within the Order; the second is where an Order member commits some sort of offence.

So what are you to do as a Chapter Convenor when you are confronted by either of these situations? I am assuming that you yourself are not part of the dispute. What should you do? I am going to look at this issue in the light of a sutta called the Kinti Sutta. Kinti means 'what if' or 'what next', 'what then'.

In the sutta, the Buddha asks some monks, 'What do you think I am teaching the Dharma for? Do you think I am teaching the Dharma for the sake of robes, for the sake of alms food, for the sake of somewhere to stay, lodgings?' Of course, the Bhiksus say, 'No, we don't think you are teaching just for your own personal benefit. You are teaching out of compassion for us, out of a desire for our welfare'. The Buddha agrees and explains that he teaches them the 37 bodhipaksadhammas – a sort of systematic compendium of his teachings – for their benefit. But he remarks that not all disciples practise what he teaches. Often they do things incompatible with the Teaching. Sometimes, they even start to quarrel with each other. He poses the question, 'If you find two sets of monks quarrelling in this way, what do you do?'

He explains that the first thing to do in such a situation is to find out what is going on, to establish clearly what the basis of the dispute is. Usually, at this stage, we find out that the dispute is not really about anything of any great substance. It is often just about words. People haven't really thought about what they are saying. Or if there is a real disagreement, it probably is not about anything fundamental; and as we have seen previously, there is no need to quarrel or have negative feelings about disagreements. For instance, one of us might say the best way to get to the station is this way; another one might say, ‘No, it’s that way’. The two might not be able to persuade each other, but there is no need to quarrel about it, we can just disagree. In English, we say people can ‘agree to disagree’.

Then you look at one faction to identify the person in that faction who will be easiest to talk to, the one who has got the most reasonable mind, the most pleasant temperament. You go to him and you say, 'Look, you and those others are quarrelling about certain matters, but on more fundamental matters you are in compete agreement, so there is no need to quarrel. You can be in disagreement, but just don't quarrel.' In that way you calm them down. Then you go to the people on the other side and, similarly, you find the most reasonable person on that side. In just the same way you point out to him the fact that both parties agree on fundamental matters. You say, ‘Look, you are arguing about a point you disagree about, but disagreement doesn't necessarily mean disharmony. It doesn't have to lead to a breakdown in communication and negative feelings.’ In this way, you calm the two sides down and they are gradually able to come back into communication.

This method of the Buddha is very sensible and astute. If you see two sets of people who are arguing, there will always be somebody on either side who is more reasonable than the rest. So you use those people to bring the rest of them together. Once you have persuaded the most reasonable person, they can gradually persuade the rest.

You have to approach them in a very polite and friendly way. When we read the Pali Canon, we are bound to notice how polite the Buddha and most of his monks are. Certainly, if you are trying to resolve a dispute, you need to be especially pleasing and polite in your approach to people. Having approached people politely, you clarify the real basis of the disagreement. You separate the real issue from the feelings involved, which allows the issue to be seen as it really is. Then you point out to them the fact that they may disagree on that point, but that does not mean they have to be in disharmony.

Actually, what is most important about the method I have just described is not the method itself the very fact that something is done about the problem. The most fundamental point is that the Buddha does not just let disharmony go on. Somebody must take the initiative to create harmony. Among us, this is part of the duty of a Chapter Convenor. The Chapter Convenor himself might not be the best person to do the actual work of resolving a particular dispute. It depends on the circumstances and the individuals involved. But he should, at least, make sure that something is done – that a more appropriate person takes the initiative to restore harmony. I think that, far too often in our Order, both in the East and the West, we just let disputes go on.

All the Chapter Convenors in any particular area, in a region for instance, should get together at regular intervals and discuss what disputes or disharmonies are going on. In relation to each dispute, they should ask, 'Who is the best person to go and deal with this?' There are some people who are very good and experienced at this. In our own ordination team we have got some very experienced people. Jutindhar and Sudarshan have performed some miracles recently! But there are others too who have this skill. Your duty as a Chapter Convenor is to say, 'Something must be done about this'. Any dispute, anywhere in the Order, affects the whole Order. So you need to take up the issue and you need to make sure that somebody does something. Of course, your personal ability to deal with them will depend upon your ability to deal with yourself! If you don't quite know what to do, you should turn to those with a lot of experience, like Sudarshan. But I think that all Order members need to take much more responsibility for resolving disputes and take opportunities to gain experience in doing so.

In the Vinaya, the Buddha makes an interesting point about resolving disputes. He says there are two kinds of restoration of harmony – in the letter and in the spirit. In other words, there is superficial harmony and genuine harmony. Real harmony only comes about when you have got to the bottom of the matter, when you have made clear what the real basis of the dispute is. Then everybody can see what is going on and they can drop it. It is your duty as a Chapter Convenor, to ensure that this happens.

To summarise what I have said so far, we need to make sure that, where there are disputes, something is done about them. We need to find out what really is going on. And then we need to bring the two parties to a better attitude by going to them, especially by going to the more mature individuals involved on each side, and talking to them. If the matter is just a disagreement about minor issues or the way to do something, we should make the parties aware of this and show them that there is no need to quarrel about such things.

But sometimes, of course, the dispute between the two factions is not just an argument about words. Sometimes there occurs what the Buddha calls a 'bad activity of speech'. In other words, harsh, violent speech is used. Offensive views are expressed. In other words, people think and say things about the other people that are insulting and unpleasant. There is what the Buddha refers to as 'malice in thought, discontent and dissatisfaction'. So what do you do if things have got to this point?

You have to get people to look at their behaviour and what it signifies. Here again, you have to find the people on both sides who are easiest to approach. You approach them in a very polite and friendly way and then gently point out, 'Well, this is the way you are behaving, this is the way you, or others on your side, are speaking. Do you think that the Buddha would approve of the way in which you are behaving? If the Buddha knew what you have done or said, what do you think he would feel about it?' So you invoke apatrapya – the feeling of shame that comes because somebody who you respect greatly disapproves of what you are doing. You ask them, 'Do you think that the Buddha would be pleased with your behaviour?' If they are at all honest they will say, ‘No, he would not'. Then you say to them, 'Well, you have gone for Refuge to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, you have committed yourself to the spiritual life, and you are hoping through the spiritual life to attain Enlightenment. Do you think that you will gain Enlightenment, behaving like this?’ And of course, if they are honest they will say, 'No'.

Then, of course you go to somebody on the other side and you say the same sort of thing to them. In this way, you try to awaken in the people on both sides their shame and their sense of what is right and what is wrong. You try to recall them to their fundamental spiritual commitment. Finally, you bring both sides together and get them to talk to each other. Of course, all this requires a great deal of skill and positive emotion on your part. But the skill can be learnt, and if you learn it you will have a precious ability to bring people to a more positive and constructive state.

Of course, approaching somebody when they are in a negative state is quite dangerous. They may turn on you. Sometimes, you try to resolve a quarrel, but you end up by being attacked yourself. Then, of course, you think to yourself, ‘I am just bringing a lot of trouble on myself, and maybe I am putting them into an even worse mental state. I am not going to bother'. But the Buddha doesn't let us off so easily. He is very thorough. He says first of all, you should not rush into reprimanding somebody. If you have got to approach somebody who is doing something wrong, you don't just rush up to him and say, 'You shouldn't do that!' You have got to go into things. It may take quite a lot of time and you have got to be very patient and go into things quite slowly and carefully.

You need to make a judgement about the person you are dealing with. Sometimes, when you consider that, you realise, 'It is not going to be difficult for me, it is not going to be difficult for him. He is not an angry person, he is not a reactive person, he is quick to understand things and he is of a receptive nature, he is not difficult to convince.' The Buddha says, in that case, you should speak. Then you consider the other person and perhaps you realise that he is very bad tempered. You know he might get quite upset when you approach him. On the other hand, you also know that he has a logical mind and it will be possible to convince him. So you just have to explain things clearly to him and he will see the point. Yes, he will be quite hurt, it will upset him, but you will be able to bring him from an unskilful state to a skilful one. So in that case too, you should speak.

But, as the Buddha explains, there are other possibilities. What if the other person is not bad tempered, but is rather slow-witted, not very intelligent? You can see that he will find it quite difficult to understand what you are saying. That means it is going to be a lot of hard work for you. You will have to go over each point again and again. When you explain the whole thing and you think you have made it all quite clear, he says, 'No, I don't understand what you are saying'. It is not painful for him but it is a lot of trouble for you. But in the end, you can bring him from an unskilful state to a more skilful one. So of course, in that case too, you should speak.

What if, in a really difficult case, a party to the dispute is very emotionally reactive and also very dim-witted? It will be a lot of trouble for you and a lot of trouble for him. You explain everything to him and he gets very upset but he still doesn’t understand the point you are making. But in the end you are able to convince him. So he moves from an unskilful state to a skilful one. So of course you should peak.

But what happens if you realise that there is nothing you can do? You see that, even if you go into things again and again, the other person is just not going to listen to you and you are just going to upset yourself, perhaps upset them even more, and in the end they are still not going to understand. The Buddha says, 'Well all right, if that is the case, just keep quiet. Don't disturb your own mind to no purpose.'

To summarise, what the Buddha is really saying is that you have to make an effort to resolve the dispute if you think you have got any chance of persuading the other person to come back into harmony. I think people have to be really very deeply closed for you not to take the trouble to try to talk to them. I must say that in my own experience it is very rare that I am not able to get through in the end. You have to take time and trouble, but in the end it is usually worthwhile.

This is very important advice, because the first thing that occurs to you when you think of going and trying to talk to somebody about their behaviour is, 'This is going to be trouble for me'. Perhaps they are going to react. Well, perhaps it is going to be a lot of trouble, but it has to be done. We are members of the same spiritual community and we owe it to each individual, and to the community as a whole, to make the effort.

So we should be extremely unwilling to say, 'Oh, it is impossible to talk to him'. Nearly always, if you are skilful and patient, you will get through. This is a skill that you must all learn - how to take things up with people so that they will listen to you. You need to study the person to see what the best way is. With determined effort, and perhaps with some experience and practice, you will find you get through to people who are caught up in disputes. You will be able to convince them that their own behaviour is unskilful, that the Buddha would not approve of what they are doing, and that it will not lead them to Enlightenment. Then you will be able to bring the disputing parties together.

The Buddha makes one final point in this Sutta. He makes the point that people may be very impressed by what you have done. They may say, 'Oh, look what he has done, he is so clever'. But you must not let your success go to your head. Being a peacemaker is a skill that makes everybody very happy, and they will start to think very highly of you. But if you are a genuine peacemaker, you will realise that all you have done is apply the Buddha's teaching. You have to recognise that, in a sense, it wasn't you that achieved peace, it was the Buddha. You were just the messenger. This is quite important. One of your most difficult and dangerous problems is that you may get a sense of power, when you are trying to be a peacemaker, and that can destroy the work that you are undertaking.

So, in this way, the Buddha ends his discourse. The Sutta ends with the words: 'delighted, those monks rejoiced in what the Buddha had said'.

So we have learnt a lot of very practical things from the Kinti Sutta. We learnt that we must do something about disharmony, we should not just let it go on. We must make sure that we get to the bottom of it. But we must take it up very carefully and skilfully. We should try to understand what is happening, and then find the easiest people to talk to. We should get them to see that there is really no need to quarrel. We should help them to realise that their behaviour is quite contrary to the Buddha's teaching. We must do this very carefully and kindly. But it has to be done. If we don't do anything about disharmony and wrong action it just gets worse and worse.

I must say that my impression is that, in the Order here, we don't have much skill in resolving disputes and in discussing other people's wrong actions. So I think this is something you need to work on. The Chapter Convenors collectively and individually should concentrate on this. In your discussion, you should explore ways in which you can help each other to resolve disharmonies and to tackle people who are acting unskilfully.

One of things that I found most interesting about the Kinti Sutta is that they were having these problems 2,500 years ago. Sometimes we think, 'Oh dear, our Order has got so many disharmonies and so many people who are acting wrongly'. But the spiritual community has always had to face this challenge. That is just what spiritual life consists in, really. Creating a spiritual community is a very hard task and we have to work very hard. But the Buddha suggests to us ways in which we can do that. And I hope that we will begin to build up a body of knowledge and understanding that we can hand on to others.

The First of 3 talks on Conflict by Subhuti - FWBO

THE MENTAL SOURCES OF CONFLICT
Lessons from the Samagama Sutta and the Visuddhimagga

A talk given at Bhaja, India on 5 January 2000

There is still a lot of work to be done on the Order. The Order functions well, but not well enough. In a way, of course, it can never be good enough! In particular, the Chapters need to function better than they do now. It is not that they are bad, but they need to be much more effective. The Chapter Convenors are the ones who carry the greatest responsibility for making the Chapters more effective. Of course, every Order member is responsible but the Chapter Convenors are responsible for making sure that the other members take responsibility.

So during these five days I want to explore with you how to go further in working on the Chapters. Now I thought that maybe I would do this by study, that is, by taking a text and going through it with you. But I think there are some difficulties in that. I don't speak Hindi or Marathi and there are quite a lot of you, so it would be quite difficult for us to have a discussion together. So instead, each morning, I am going to give a talk. I will take some texts from the Buddhist suttas and expound them, and then leave you to discuss them. Then, if any points arise that you want to ask me about, or even just tell me about, you can do that later. In this way I hope we can explore some of these issues quite deeply.

The issue that I want to concentrate on during these five days is harmony. Recently, we have seen the end of a major case of disharmony in the Order. Over quite a number of years, there was a very deep tension within the Order. With some people leaving the Order, that tension has now gone. Of course, there is still tension with those people, now that they are outside the Order, but that is a very different thing. Bhante said, in his talk at the International Convention in England, that the enemy within is far more undermining than the enemy outside. Even though we have got rid of that extreme disharmony within, other disharmonies still exist amongst us. All over the Movement, all over the Order, here, there are disputes between Order members. They are not as bad as those that we have had in the past, and they are nothing like as bad as those that are common in the world outside, but there are a lot of disputes in the Order. Yet the very nature of the Order, as it should be, is harmony. If the Order is in disharmony, then it is not the Order. We therefore need to work much harder to overcome disputes among us.

Now, on the whole, these disputes are between people who are good people, and good Order members, too. This means that, in principle, the disputes can be resolved. But we don't always know sufficiently clearly how to do this. We need to develop and apply the skills required for resolving disputes. Often, when I look at a dispute between two people, I see that if they could just change their habits of speech, the whole dispute would be resolved. For instance, if you go to somebody and say, 'You did that!', they are going to feel quite upset. But if you go to them and say, 'Look, I have heard that you did that, I don't know whether it is true or not. Please tell me. If it is true, why did you do it? Please explain'. Just by learning to communicate with people more sensitively, like this, you can help to resolve disputes.

All of you need to become experts in resolving disputes between your friends. Of course, first of all you have to resolve any that you yourself are involved in! But after that, you need to become experienced and skilled in helping people come to harmony. Now, as I say, I think this is a skill and it is something that you can learn. Often people don't want to be in dispute, but they just don't know how to get out of it. So you should learn to help them to resolve disputes harmoniously.

We can see, in the wider world today, big efforts to resolve long-standing disputes. At the moment, the leaders of Israel and Syria are meeting in the USA, and they are trying to sort out their differences. It is very interesting to observe the way in which they are doing this. The Americans have become very experienced at this. They are careful, slow and thorough. We don't know yet whether it is going to have a successful outcome, but it is quite possible that, in the next few days, those two countries, which have fought three wars in the last 30-40 years, will be at peace. They don't even belong to the same religion and they are certainly not members of a spiritual community. So, if they can resolve disputes, we should be able to do it much better!

So I want all Order members to begin to learn the skills of resolving disputes. I think we are going to need to develop a theory and practice of dispute resolution. That is what we are going to be exploring during the next few days.

Each day, I will give a talk based on the Buddhist scriptures, and then you will discuss it. I would like you to discuss it from the point of view of how we can apply the ideas in the scriptures within the Order, so that they can help us to resolve disputes. In the bhiksu Sangha founded by the Buddha, procedures were developed for resolving disputes. Now those exact procedures are not fully applicable to us, because ours isn't a bhiksu Sangha, but we need our own equivalents. So during these five days I would like us to begin to work out ways in which we can apply the basic ideas that underlie those procedures. In your discussion, I hope that you will be able to think of something quite practical that we can actually use.

Let us begin by thinking about what we mean by the word ‘dispute’. The Buddha says that there are really two main kinds of disputes: on one hand, there are disagreements about ideas or facts; on the other, there are clashes of emotion and personality. Often, of course, the two get mixed, and when we have a disagreement about an idea or a fact we also fall into ill will. But they do not necessarily go together.

For instance, we know there has been a lot of discussion about whether the TBMSG is fulfilling Dr Ambedkar’s vision. Now that is something about which you can have different opinions, without any ill will. People of good will can disagree about that. They can and do sit down together in a very calm, reasonable way and discuss the extent to which TBMSG does or does not fulfil Babasaheb's vision. Of course it is not really a question of whether it does or does not, it is whether it does so enough. But there is no reason why we should not sit down and discuss such matters calmly, without polarisation or negativity.

So that is the first point: that there can be disagreement and discussion, without disharmony. Sometimes, we have to be careful to separate the discussion of ideas from our emotional attachment to our own views. But a disagreement about ideas or facts, is not necessarily disharmony. Disharmony occurs when negative emotions affect the discussion. But very often disagreement leads to, or comes from, disharmony. And there is something even stranger may happen - you can have complete agreement but with disharmony.

What I want us to think and talk about is how to resolve the emotional aspect of disputes. But in order to do this, we need to be able to distinguish the emotional aspect from the objective content of the dispute. Sometimes you have to say, 'Yes, this is a matter of discussion, so let's discuss it, but let's not quarrel about it'. Thus, it is an important skill to identify what the thing to be discussed is. So let's say that, for instance, some people arrive late for the retreat, and then there is a lot of argument and anger about that. There might be an argument, with people shouting at each other, 'You came late!' 'You didn't tell me clearly when to come!', and so on. Somebody says, 'Stop, wait a minute, let's calm down, so let's just hear what happened, as far as you are concerned'.

Then, on being discussed, it turns out that there was a simple misunderstanding, or perhaps somebody passed on a message wrongly. My point is that, very often, in situations like this, the disharmony is made worse because we don't actually find out what the facts are. People just assume they know what is going on in the other person's mind. So, for example, one Order member thinks that another has arrived late deliberately, as an insult. At the same time, the other Order member, who is actually embarrassed at being late, assumes that the first deliberately gave him wrong information about the starting time, so as to make him look bad. Thus, before either party has ascertained the facts, they jump to conclusions about each other.

So this is the first task in trying to resolve disputes - separate the objective content of the discussion from the emotional reactions.

The Buddha says that sometimes it may be necessary separate the two parties to the dispute and talk to each of them separately. This may help them to cool down a bit. This is what President Clinton is doing with the Israelis and the Syrians, he has the Syrians in one room and the Israelis in another, and he is going between the two saying, 'They say this, what do you say?' And gradually they are coming closer together.

The Buddha also has something to say about how disputes come about. In the Samagama Sutta in the Majjimanikaya, Sutta 104, he says there are six sources of disputes.

The first cause is anger or ill will. If someone has anger and ill will, he doesn't have any respect for the teacher, the Dharma, or the Sangha. He doesn't, in the words of the sutta, ‘complete the training’. In other words, he gives up working on himself. Feelings of ill will, anger, or resentment stops us from making spiritual progress. This is a misfortune for the individual and for the whole sangha. It is a misfortune for all living beings, because it is depriving them of the example of harmony that the Sangha can offer.

The Buddha says there is a kind of nidana chain. Ill will and anger in the mind of somebody makes him lose his spiritual perspective. You can't have sraddha and anger in your mind at the same time. Anger chases out all positive qualities. When this happens, you don't look at your brothers and sisters in the Sangha with the eye of faith, you look at them with the red eyes of anger. And what do you see? You just see everything you dislike, disagree with, or resent. You no longer believe that the sangha is really a sangha, so you start to stir up dissatisfaction, to cause dispute.

The Buddha says that if you see this source of dispute, you must get rid of it in yourself. The source of disputes is within the heart and we must cleanse the heart of it. Once we have done so, we have to make sure it doesn't come back again in the future.

The next source of dispute lies in somebody being harsh and unmerciful. Again, this is a negative mental state, in which you just don’t have any feeling for other people, you don't feel that you are hurting them. The consequences of that are just the same as anger and ill will. If you don't have a feeling of sensitivity for others you won’t respect the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Again, you don’t see the sangha as a sangha, and that means you are going to cause disputes.

The third source of dispute, again, is in the mind of the individual: someone is envious and grudging. In this state of mind, you see others as having things that you want and you resent them for it. For example, you see somebody is elected Chairman and you resent him for it. Or while you are hoping to get ordained yourself, you see somebody else being ordained and you resent them for it. Or you see people are being ordained from another Centre than your own and you resent them for it. And the nidana chain is the same. With this attitude, you don't respect the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. You don't see the sangha as a sangha, so you fall into dispute.

The fourth source is craftiness and deceitfulness. This is a very selfish attitude, where someone only thinks, 'How can I get what I want?' This makes him crafty. In English, we say someone like this is ‘crafty as a fox’. A fox knows how to get the chicken out of the farmer's yard. I am sure Indian foxes are just as clever as English ones. People of this sort are also deceitful. They don’t reveal their real, harmful intentions. They disguise them under an appearance of sincerity and sympathy. In English we call someone like this a ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’. He is like a hungry and cunning wolf that, according to an old fable, concealed itself in a sheep’s skin in order to trick a flock of sheep into allowing him near them. As with the other cases, this sort of person never really sees the Order as an Order, and so he causes disputes.

The fifth source of disputes is evil desires and wrong views. So you have very strong craving and you have very confused ideas. In a way I don't need to explain all that, the same nidana chain takes place.

Finally, the sixth source is someone who is infected with worldliness, and is stubborn and obstinate. So the individual in the Order has an attitude that really belongs to the world and not to the Sangha. I think this is one of the commonest causes of dispute amongst us. We are influenced by what other people outside the Order think. We have the attitudes of people outside the Order. And the results are the same, leading us into dispute. But in this case, we are also obstinate and stubborn, we won't listen to other people, we won't look at ourselves, we just stick to our position.

So all these six sources of disputes cut us off from the spiritual vision. And if we don't have that vision of the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha when we come together we are just an ordinary bunch of people. So the Order is only an Order to the extent that we all Go for Refuge. These factors destroy our Going for Refuge. To the extent that we go for Refuge, we are in harmony. To the extent that we are not going for Refuge, we are likely to fall into dispute.

The Buddha makes very clear where the resolution of disputes has to start. It has to start in us. We have to work on ourselves if we are to overcome disputes. Of course, others have to work on themselves, but you can't make them do so. You can only make yourself work on yourself. And if you do that, it will probably have an effect on them.

In other words, the sources of dispute are in our minds. This means that, as people trying to help to resolve disputes, the most important thing you have to do is to work on yourself. And you also have to encourage other people to work on themselves. You have to encourage people to see their own contribution to the dispute. The Buddha makes very clear that nobody ever has any right to a negative emotion. Even if somebody is very unpleasant to you, that fact does not justify you in feeling negative emotions towards them, still less in expressing such emotions. If you react, (that is, if you respond from worldly emotions, without mindfulness and self-control), then your reaction is your responsibility. So you have to help people to realise their own negative emotions and work on them.

So let's look at this. How do you work on your own reactions?

Of course, you work on them principally through meditation. Meditation makes the mind stronger, more positive and more confident, with the result that you don't react when anything happens. By meditation, we develop positive non-reactivity. The Buddha was so unreactive that, whatever happened, he never lost his mindfulness, he never lost his metta. Each of us should work constantly to gain the same ability as the Buddha. The most important meditation, for this purpose, is the maitri bhavana. If you are trying to help people to resolve a dispute, get them to work harder develop more maitri through this meditation, especially towards the people for whom they are feeling ill-will. After all, the whole purpose of the maitri bhavana is to feel love towards everybody. And if you have ill will towards somebody then you have a need to develop more maitri.

Sometimes, we think about meditation is as if it had nothing to do with real experience. So we have some dispute with somebody, and we start to feel very upset and angry, but it never occurs to us that this is material to work on in meditation. We think more that they should do something, or the Sangha should do something to him. But we have to work on the problem in ourselves. And this is actually much harder than we usually realise.

So I am going to give you ten ways of working on negative emotions such as ill will, resentment and so on. These are methods that you can use yourself and you can also suggest them to any people who are in dispute with others. I have taken them from Buddhaghosa's Visuddhimaga. Buddhaghosa is on our Refuge Tree, of course. He was one of the great Indian gurus. He worked in Sri Lanka, but he was of Indian birth. And he organised the teachings in the Pali scriptures into a system.

The first of the methods for getting rid of resentment is, think of what the Buddha said. The Buddha spoke again and again about getting rid of resentment. He frequently said that a true disciple of the Buddha feels no ill will. You may remember he gave the simile of the two-handed saw. He said that if bandits capture you and then cut off your limbs one by one with a two-handled saw, if you even for one moment had a feeling of hatred towards those people, you would not be carrying out the Buddha's teaching. Well, it is a horrible image, having your limbs cut off with a saw, and we might feel it is quite understandable that you would feel hatred in that situation! But the Buddha says no, you have got to overcome hatred completely. And if you are experiencing hatred, you are not really following the Buddha's teaching. But a single word can make us feel hatred. It may not even be a word; it can be just a look. It may not even be a look; it can be something we imagine about the other person. So clearly, if we take the Buddha's teaching seriously, we must work hard to get rid of hatred. We have faith in the Buddha, so we should try to remember that faith when we start to feel hatred. We should think, ‘The Buddha would not want me to feel this hatred’. Through your faith in the Buddha, you may be able to drive out the negative state.

Now the second method is to call to mind some positive quality in the other person. So you think about them and see that there is something that is good in them, and you concentrate on that. And in that way, the ill will fades and positive feelings arise. After all, probably everybody we are likely to come across has got some positive qualities, particularly if they are Order members! So perhaps with Order members, especially, you can think, 'Well, he is going for Refuge', and in this way you can call up your positive feelings.

The third method is to be used when you can't find any positive qualities. Now I think that if you can't find any positive qualities in another Order member, there is something wrong with you and you just need to work harder. But nevertheless, Buddhaghosa says that if you can't find any positive qualities, then you reflect, 'Poor man!' After all, if somebody has got no positive qualities, the appropriate response isn't hatred but compassion. With all those bad qualities, what is going to happen to him? He is going to have a horrible life and suffer a lot. So in this way you call up feelings of compassion.

If your anger hasn't gone, there is a fourth method. You give yourself a good talking to! You say to yourself, 'How useless this anger is! It is just poisoning my mind. It may lead me to me hurt him, it may not. But even if I do hurt him, what good does that do me? And what is the mental state of hatred doing to me? It is a very painful and unpleasant state.' Remember that negative mental states are negative for you. So in this way you reflect on the stupidity of anger. You just think about the pointlessness, the uselessness and the pain of your anger.

Now if that hasn't worked, if your anger is still there, there is a fifth method. In this case you reflect on the nature of karma. Buddhaghosa says that you should reflect on the ownership of karma. You think, 'I own my actions, he owns his'. So you ask yourself, ‘What is the consequence of actions performed with a mind dominated by hatred?’ The answer, of course, is that under the law of karma, your angry actions just lead to your own pain and suffering. His angry actions will lead to his suffering. You don't need to punish him because he will be punished by his own karma. You can just leave him to his karma. But your angry actions will lead to your pain and suffering. You have to realise that they poison your mind now and they poison your future. As a result you realise you should not get angry.

But if even that doesn't work, there is another thing that you can do. Buddhaghosa doesn't give up! You can reflect on the Buddha's own demonstration of lack of hatred. You remember that there were many situations in which people tried to hurt the Buddha, but he wouldn't get angry. He had a very calm, equanimous, loving attitude. You can call to mind, for instance, that somebody came and insulted him. And he said, 'If somebody gives you a gift and you don't accept it, who does the gift belong to?' The other person said, 'It belongs to the person who gave it.' The Buddha said, 'Well, I don't accept your insult, so it returns to you'. He just remained quite calm, cool and unreactive. Think of how much Devadatta tried to hurt him. In that case too, he didn't react at all. Buddhaghosa mentions many of the Jataka stories, as well. In many of them, the Buddha is shown as non-reactive. So we can try to follow the example of the Buddha.

Well, if that doesn't work, where do you go next? The next one is a favourite of the Tibetans. It involves a very strong belief in rebirth. You think, 'Well, I have been reborn again and again since beginningless time, and if I have been reborn an infinite number of times I must have had an infinite number of parents. That must mean that every human being has, at various times, been my mother, my father and my child.' So can you feel angry with your own mother? Is it right that you should feel hatred towards your own children? When the other person was your mother, she nurtured you, fed you and cared for you. And is anger the way to repay all their kindness? It is quite a strange thought, isn't it? Each one of you has been my mother at one time, and I was your mother once. For some of you I am your Preceptor, but you were my Preceptor once in the past! Thinking like this helps us to change our relationship with other people.

But even that method may not work. The resentment may be very deeply embedded in your mind and your heart. So there is an eighth method. In this one you consider the advantages of metta. According to Buddhaghosa there are 11 advantages to metta. Firstly, if your mind is full of metta, you sleep easily. When you wake up in the morning, you feel happy and at ease. What is more, you have no evil dreams. Furthermore, if you feel metta freely and strongly, other people like you; and not just human beings but even animals and spirits will be attracted to you. Not only that, but if you are full of metta, things go well for you, you have good fortune. In the same way, because you are in a happy positive state, you don't get into difficulties, or find yourself in dangerous situations. Your mind is healthy, so you are guarded by your intuitions, which steer you away from harmful or dangerous circumstances. Next, if you have a lot of metta, it is very easy to concentrate your mind in meditation. Buddhaghosa even says that metta brings you good looks! If you habitually feel metta, your face is beautiful and serene. More importantly, perhaps, metta is an advantage at the time of death: when you come to die, if your heart is filled with metta, you die very calmly and with a clear mind: you are not confused or frightened. Finally, and very significantly, if you feel metta you will have a good rebirth. This does not mean ‘good’ in a merely social or material sense: it means that you will be born in a psychologically healthy and ethical family, with advantages for practising the Dharma. A ‘good family’ really means a morally good family, not a socially high family. These are a wonderful set of advantages; but, of course, if you don't develop metta, you won't get them.

Now if this does not cure the resentment, there is yet more you can do. There is a ninth method. This is much subtler. You think, 'Well, what am I getting angry with? There is the person, but what does the person consist in? Is it their body I am getting angry with? If so, which part of their body? And anyway their body consists of different elements. Which of those elements am I getting angry with?' And you continue as in the Six Element Practice, realising through this analysis that there is nothing fixed and unchanging that you can direct your anger to. In this way, you use your analytical Buddhist training to eliminate any idea of something you can be angry with.

The final method is a very beautiful one. (It is interesting that Buddhaghosa ends with this one.) He says if you cannot get rid of anger in any of these ways, give the hated person a gift. Even though you still feel hatred, just give them something. Giving is something that transforms your emotions. If you feel resentment towards somebody, then deliberately take some action towards him that expresses the opposite feeling. In this way you can overcome your resentment. You will change the other person as well. When the other person receives your gift, they will change their attitude to you. I think this is a very effective means of overcoming hatred.

So these are Buddhaghosa's ten methods for overcoming resentment. They constitute an unusually thorough exploration of the topic. His suggested methods are very valuable to us in our efforts to learn the skill of overcoming disputes. They are all methods you yourself can use, and encourage others to use. You can help people, firstly, by making them understand that the source of disputes is in their minds. Then you can help them to learn how to work effectively to overcome their resentment and ill will. If we can get Order members to work in this way we will raise the whole Order to a very high level indeed.

MN 104: Samagama Sutta

This particular copy of the Samagama sutta is from Dhamma Web Tipitaka database. It sets out clearly in packages the cause of disputes, the ways to settle a dispute and the way to promote harmony in a sangha.

I heard thus.

At one time the Blessed One was living with the Sakyas in their village Saamagaama. At that time Nigan.ta Naataputta had recently died at Paavaa. When he died the Nigan.tas had split and were quarrelling, fighting and attacking each other with the weapon in their mouths. They were saying things like these. 'You do not know this Teaching and Discipline, I know it. What do you know of it? You have fallen to the wrong method. I have fallen to the right method with reasons. You say the first things last, the last things first. Your dispute is not thought out, it is reversed and made up and should be rebuked. Go! dispute and find your way, if possible'. The dispensation of Nigan.ta Naataputta had gone to destruction. The lay disciples of Nigan.tanaataputta, who wore white clothes too were broken up, uninterested, hindered and without refuge as it happens in a Dispensation, not well taught, by one not rightfully enlightened.

The novice Cunda spent the rains in Paavaa, approached venerable Aananda in Saamagaama, worshipped and sat on a side and said to venerable Aananda. 'Venerable sir, Nigan.ta Naataputta died recently at Paavaa. After his death the Nigan.tas have split, are quarrelling, fighting, are attacking each other with the weapon in their mouths. They are saying things like these. 'You do not know this Teaching and Discipline, I know it. What do you know of it? You have fallen to the wrong method. I have fallen to the right method with reasons. You say the first things last, the last things first. Your dispute is not thought out, is reversed and made up and should be rebuked. Go! dispute and find your way, if possible. The dispensation of Nigan.ta Naataputta had gone to destruction. The lay disciples of Nigan.tanaataputta, who wore white clothes too were broken up, uninterested, hindered and without refuge as it happens in a Dispensation, not well taught, by one not rightfully enlightened'. When this was said, venerable Aananda said. 'Friend, Cunda, this has to be told to the Blessed One. Let us approach the Blessed One and inform about it to the Blessed One.'

Venerable C unda agreed and venerable Aananda and the novice Cunda approached the Blessed One, worshipped, sat on a side and venerable Aananda said to the Blessed One.' Venerable sir, the novice Cunda says, that Nigan.ta Naataputta has died recently at Paavaa. After his death the Nigan.tas have split, are quarrelling, fighting, are attacking each other with the weapon in their mouths. They are saying things like these. 'You do not know this Teaching and Discipline, I know it. What do you know of it? You have fallen to the wrong method. I have fallen to the right method, with reasons. You say the first things last, the last things first. Your dispute is not thought out, is reversed and made up and should be rebuked. Go! dispute and find your way, if possble. The dispensation of Nigan.ta Naataputta had gone to destruction. The lay disciples of Nigan.tanaataputta, who wore white clothes too were broken up, uninterested, hindered and without refuge as it happens in a Dispensation, not well taught, by one not rightfully enlightened. Venerable sir, it occurs to me at the demise of the Blessed One, may there be no dispute, for the good and welfare of many.'

'Aananda, do you see any instance in this Teaching, by me realized and proclaimed where two bhikkhus could dispute, such as in the four establishments of mindfulness, the four right endeavours, the four psychic powers, the five mental faculties, the five powers, the seven enlightenment factors and the eightfold path?' 'Venerable sir, in this Teaching realized and proclaimed by the Blessed One I do not see an instance where two bhikkhus could dispute, such as in the four establishments of mindfulness, the four right endeavours, the four psychic powers, the five mental faculties, the five powers, the seven enlightenment factors and the eightfold path.

Yet those persons who live as though obedient to the Blessed One now, will arouse a dispute on account of the hard livelihood because of the higher code of rules, it will be not for the well being of many and the well being of gods and men.' Aananda, a dispute on the harsh livelihood or the higher code of rules is negligible, if the community has a dispute about the path and method, it will be for the unpleasantness of many, and the unpleasantness of gods and men.

Aananda, these six are the causes for a dispute. What are the six? When the bhikkhu becomes angry and bears a grudge, he becomes unruly even towards the Teacher, rebels against the Teaching and becomes unruly, rebels against the Community and becomes unruly, does not live complete in the training. Thus he arouses a dispute in the Community, for the unpleasantness of many and the unpleasantness of gods and men. Aananda, if you see this cause for a dispute internally or externally, you should make effort for the dispelling of that cause for a dispute, and for its non arising again.

Again, Aananda, the bhikkhu is merciless with hypocrisy ...re... jealous and selfish,..re... crafty and fraudulent,...re... is with evil desires and wrong view,...re.. holding fast to worldly matters and not giving up easily. When the bhikkhu holds fast to worldly matters and does not give up easily, he becomes unruly even towards the Teacher, rebels against the Teaching and becomes unruly, rebels against the Community and becomes unruly, does not live complete in the training. Thus he arouses a dispute in the Community, for the unpleasantness of many and the unpleasantness of gods and men. Aananda, if you see this cause for a dispute internally or externally, you should make effort for the dispelling of that cause for a dispute, and for its non arising again. This is dispelling the evil causes of disputes, for their non arising in the future. Aananda, these are the six causes for disputes.

Aananda, there are four administrations What are the four? The questions of disputes, questions of censure, questions of misconduct and questions of duties. Aananda, there are seven ways to settle all these disputes. Proceeings done in the presence of the accused, appealing to the conscience of the accused, acquittal on grounds of restored sanity, agreement by a promise, acquittal by a majority vote of the chapter, acquital for evil desires and covering up the whole thing without going to details.

Aananda how are the proceedings done in the presence of the accused? The bhikkhu disputes, this is the Teaching and this is not the Teaching, this is the Discipline and this is not the Discipline. Then all the bhikkhus unite and get together and examine it according to the Teaching and should approve and settle it. Thus the proceedings are done in the presence of the accused.

Ananda, how is the acquittal by a majority vote of the chapter? It is not possible to settle this in that same monastery, should go to a place where there is a larger number of bhikkhus Then all the bhikkhus unite and get together and examine it according to the Teaching and should approve and settle it To settle that dispute the accued should be acquitted by a majority vote of the chapter. In this manner too it is settled.

Aananda, how is the appealing to the conscience? The bhikkhus blame the bhikkhu of a grave offence, which merits expulsion or something similar. They ask does the venerable one recall committing this grave offence, that merits expulsion or something similar. He says, venerable sirs I do not recall committing this grave offence, that merits expulsion or something similar. Aananda, it is in this manner, that his conscience should be disciplined. In this manner too a dispute is settled disciplining the conscience.

Aananda, how is the acquittal on grounds of restored sanity? The bhikkhus blame the bhikkhu of a grave offence, which merits expulsion or something similar. They ask does the venerable one recall committing this grave offence, that merits expulsion or something similar. He says, venerable sirs I do not recall committing this grave offence, that merits expulsion or something similar. Then he should be well bound by explaining, come on venerable one recall whether you have done a grave offence or something similar. Then he would say, friends, I had a mental aberration, my mind went off and I did many things that should not have been done by a true recluse. I said a lot of piercing things that should not have been said. These I did out of delusion and do not remember them. Aananda, he should be acquitted on grounds of restored sanity. This is the acquittal on grounds of restored sanity, thus too disputes are settled.

Aananda, how is an agreement by a promise? A bhikkhu accused or not accused of an offence, recalls and declares it. He should approach an elderly bhikkhu, arrange his robe on one shoulder, worship his feet, settle on his feet lowering himself and say. 'Venerable sir, I have done an offence and confess it.' Then the elder bhikkhu would ask. 'Do you see it?' 'I see it.' 'Have you come to future restraint?' 'I have come to future restraint.' Aananda, this is agreement by a promise, thus too a dispute is settled.

Aananda, how is the settlement with evil desires? The bhikkhus blame the bhikkhu of a grave offence, which merits expulsion or something similar. They ask does the venerable one recall committing this grave offence, that merits expulsion or something similar. He says, venerable sirs I do not recall committing this grave offence, that merits expulsion or something similar. Then he should be well bound by explaining, come on venerable one recall whether you have done a grave offence or something similar. Then he would say. 'Friends I know of a small offence, for which I did not feel. If I had committed a grave offence or something similar, why shouldn't I recall it?' 'Then he is told, you have done a small offence, not feeling have not declared and acknowledged it. Come on! recall whether you have done a grave offence or something similar.' Then he would say.'Friends, I remember doing a grave offence, which merits expulsion or something similar.' Aananda, thus his evil desires should be settled, and the dispute is settled'

'Aananda, how is it settled by covering up with grass?' Aananda, the bhikkhus abide quarrelling, fighting and saying many things, that should not be utterred by true recluses. Then all the bhikkhus should get together unitedly. A learned bhikkhu on one side should get up, arrange the robe on one shoulder, clasping hands should inform the Community. 'Listen to me venerable sirs, when we were quarrelling and fighting, many things that should not be utterred by true recluses have been utterred, by you and me too. We have done an offence. For the good of the Community, you all and me too, may the discussion of the lay people and the offence be covered up in the presence of the Community. Then a bhikkhu on the other side should get up, arrange the robe on one shoulder, clasping hands should inform the Community. 'Listen to me venerable sirs, when we were quarrelling and fighting, many things that should not be uttered by a true recluse have been uttered, by you and me too. We have done an offence. For the good of the Community, you all and me too, may the discussion of the lay people and the offence be covered up in the presence of the Community. Aananda, this is covering up with grass, and a dispute is settled by covering up with grass.

Aananda, there are six things that promote unity, gladness and friendship, and dispel disputes. What are the six? Aananda, the bhikkhu should be established in bodily actions of loving kindness (*1) towards co-associates in the holy life openly and secretly. The bhikkhu should be established in verbal actions of loving kindness (*2) towards co-associates in the holy life openly and secretly. The bhikkhu should be established in mental actions of loving kindness (*3) towards co-associates in the holy life openly and secretly. Again the bhikkhu shares equally all rightful gains so far as the morsels put in the bowl, with the virtuous co-associates in the holy life. Again the bhikkhu becomes equal in all virtues that are not spotted, fissured, free of blemish, and praised by the wise as conducive to concentration, with the co-associates in the holy life. Again the bhikkhu shares the noble view that rightfully destroys unpleasantness (*4), of one who logically thinks about it, with the co-associates in the holy life openly and secretly. Aananda, these six things promote unity, gladness and friendship and dispel disputes. Aananda, do you see a single word which is not acceptable among these words?'

'Venerable sir, I do not see.'

'Therefore Aananda, be accomplished in these six things that promote unity, gladness and friendship and dispels disputes, it will be for your welfare for a long time.'

The Blessed One said thus and venerable Aananda delighted in the words of the Blessed One.

Notes

1. Should be established in bodily actions of loving kindness ' metta.m kaayakamma.m paccupa.t.thita.m hoti' The doors at which all actions start is the six doors of mental contact. So whatever actions start through seeing, hearing, smelling. tasting through touch and the mind, should be with thoughts of loving kindness.

2. Should be established in verbal actions of loving kindness. 'metta.m vaciikamma.m paccupa.t.thita.m hoti.' Verbal actions start with thinking and pondering, With all data that come through the six doors of mental contact, there goes on thinking and pondering, before any words leak out. Such then these thoughts should be thoughts of loving kindness.

3. Should be established in mental actions of loving kindness. 'metta.m manokamma.m paccupa.t.thita.m hoti.' Mental actions are feelings and perceptions. When the aforesaid bodily and verbal actions are those of loving kindness, automatically the mental actions of feelings and perceptions become those of loving kindness.

4. The noble view that rightfully destroys unpleasantness, of one who logically thinks about it.' yaaya.m di.t.thi ariyaa niiyaanikaa niiyaati takkarassa sammaa dukkhakkhaayaati' The noble view that rightfully destroys the unpleasantness of one who logically thinks about it, is the right view which carries one to the entry of the stream of the Teaching. This in Pali is 'sotapattimagga' , the first stage of sainthood of a Buddhist.

MAJJHIMA NIKAAYA III

(III. 1. 4. Saamagaamasutta.m
  (104) At Samagama.

Majjhima Niakay Sutta 139 The Exposition of Non-conflict

In the Sutta 139 Aranavibhanga Sutta or The Exposition of Non-Conflict found in The Majjhima Nikaya The Buddha teaches an exposition of Non-Conflict.

It's always good to go back to basics and look at what the Buddha had to say on any subject.

Please follow the link to hear Ajahn Brahmavamso read and comment on the full sutta:

Listen to Ajahn Brahmavamso read Sutta 139