The following session is intended to give you a sample of the type of materials you will find in a typical day of this programme. Note that whilst the format of the 'day' is the same as in the actual programme, the format of the web is not. In the actual programme, you will have access to other lessons and resources. Notice also that the exercises are provided as pop-ups, so yu will need to click on the small yellow boxes to read them. To sign up for the full programme click here
DAY FOUR: SOWING SEEDS
Yesterday we looked at your history with food over a period of time. What incidents stood out in your mind, what patterns did you see in family life as you grew up? What has life around food been like since?
Today we are going to continue this enquiry and look at specific ideas which we picked up about food in the past. The things which we do influence the way that our minds work. Each activity which we undertake creates a trace in our minds which will lead us to tend towards repeating that activity in the future. We don't always act on this. Sometimes we rebel against the tendencies which we have. But those tendencies are still there. They will tend to pull us back towards familiar ways of behaving.
For today's exercise, then, we are going to look at 'messages' which we received from people. 'Messages' are things which people said or implied through their behaviour. Of course the message we pick up from someone may or may not be what they intended. They may be unaware of their own attitudes, but also we may interpret the same behaviour in different ways depending on our own state of mind. It is quite complicated. For example, if I bustle around being very busy, I may give you the message that I a) don't want to talk to you, or b) life is hard and we have to work all the time or b) I am put upon and exploited.
Let us move on to the exercise so that you can explore your own family messages.
.
.
When you have finished the exercise, conclude with this meditation:
Our families are an important influence on our lives. We spend a lot of time with them, and their ways of thinking and doing things tend to rub off on us. This is a very positive thing in many ways. We learn a lot from our families. How else would you have learned to talk, to walk, to look after yourself, or discovered many of the things you know about the world. At the same time, families are human, and our relatives are just as prone to anxieties and funny ideas as we are. Sometimes these affect the way we learn to see the world. This isn't blameworthy, it's just human.
Always remember, you are someone else's relative.
Our state of mind is conditioned. This means that the way we think and the way that we see things is influenced by all sorts of factors, or conditions. Mostly we are unaware of these. We don't just see things as they are, we see them through a kind of system of personal filters - the expectations and habits of thinking which we have built up over time.
The conditions which affect us shape our sense of who we are. Our identity is very much tied up with both our ways of seeing things, and with our ways of behaving. We are, naturally, rather attached to our identity, so we tend to build up a whole world view and a story about who we are which all support our sense of self.
So far we have looked at some of the conditions which have helped create our sense of identity. We have explored some of the stories that you have about yourself and your history. These stories are grounded in memories and no doubt have a ring of truth to them, and they are also filtered. We have created our personal stories over the years to justify and support our sense of identity. Because we want to hold onto our sense of who we are, we tend to cling onto particular ideas, and remember rather selectively. Perhaps when you spoke to your relative, you touched on some of the stories from the past and found their story about the same events was different. Sometimes this can happen. Other times whole families agree a shared identity and create family stories which reinforce it.
Today's exercise looked at 'messages', and some of the messages which you remembered might have been linked to family stories. Families often have favourite stories or ideas which keep getting repeated, and which are part of the family's sense of identity. "We are the Jones family" or "We are the Smith family".
Trying to change any pattern of behaviour means changing the stories which you carry with you in life. We are interested today in discovering what sort of stories and ideas you think were around in your family, but not in attributing blame. We are all caught up in these human processes far more than we like to think.
On the other hand, looking at these messages will help you
- Recognise whether your sense of the person and their message was accurate (as an adult, you may realise that as a child you got the wrong impression)
- Recognise what conditions are operating in your life which come from family members
- Create different messages for yourself if the old ones are unhelpful
Think about how you approached the exercises yesterday and today. How much are you caught up with certain stories about your past? Does it help you? How does it link with your eating behaviour?
